


you found me

by cryingintheclub



Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: Angst, But he redeems himself, Denial of Feelings, Getting Together, I promise, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, NICHE PAIRINGS, Realisation of feelings, ben starts off being a dick, resolved angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22489396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingintheclub/pseuds/cryingintheclub
Summary: Ben and Sean spend the night together in the midst of celebrations after the T20 series win against Pakistan. Ben doesn’t deal with it well, and breaks Sean’s heart in the process.
Relationships: Ben McDermott/Sean Abbott
Comments: 15
Kudos: 9





	1. been waiting and waiting for you to make a move (i’m so into you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is set after the T20 series against Pakistan in November and continues through to BBL09.
> 
> Do I have multiple WIPs I should be working on but am working on this instead? Yes

**PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA**

Sean can’t pinpoint the exact time he crossed the bridge from stone-cold sober to not stone-cold sober. 

Sean can’t remember if it was when Richo shoved Sean a jäegerbomb in his hand right after after a round of shots, or if it was when Alex dragged Sean in the middle of the dance floor, where Ash Agar was lighting up the dance floor, flanked by men and women who were of varying degrees of intoxication, all with drinks in their hands. 

Sean can’t hear what Ash Agar is yelling over the thumping bass, he can only see Ash Agar’s mouth moving in the flashing neon lights. 

“What?” Sean yells over the music. 

Sean can see Ash Agar rolling his eyes before he pulls Sean closer, stepping away from the crowd he has attracted with his questionable dance moves.

“.. since when?” Sean only manages to hear the last end of Agar’s sentence. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sean yells slowly, enunciating his words. Agar’s talking a million miles an hour, no doubt a side effect at all the shots he and Richo have been doing since the start of the night. Sean’s nowhere near as drunk as Agar, who’s swaying unsteadily and has a faraway look in his eyes. 

“You and McDermott,” Agar yells over the music, which has now swapped from techno to 00’s throwbacks, starting with _Everytime We Touch_. “Since when?”

“Me and McDermott?” Sean asks in disbelief, thinking he must’ve not heard correctly. “We’re not... anything.” 

“You’re teammates, silly,” Agar says with a laugh as he thumps Sean in the shoulder. Agar starts to hiccups after he says this, telling Sean all he needs to know about Agar’s state. 

“We’re not... involved,” Sean says with a frown. What would give Agar that impression? 

“Then why has he not stopped looking at you since we got here?” Agar barely manages to get out through hiccups. If Sean was not concerned as to why his teammate thought he was involved with another teammate, he would laugh at Agar’s state of intoxication. 

Sean turns to around, to see if what Agar is saying is true. Considering Agar’s one shot away from being hammered, Sean wouldn’t be surprised if his drunken state had conjured all of this up. 

_But_... if Agar wasn’t making this up, that Ben couldn’t keep his eyes on him... maybe Sean has a chance. 

And if Ben does want to sleep with him, Sean’s not going to _refuse_. Not when he’s been wanting to sleep with Ben, too. 

Sean turns to the bar, where his other teammates are sitting. Ben’s in the middle, holding a beer in his hand and their eyes meet in the middle of the club. Both look away, Sean feeling a familiar warmth coat his cheeks while Ben remains unfazed, as he laughs at whatever Alex is babbling on about beside him. 

“_See_,” Agar, dragging out the word as he nudges Sean hard, not completely in control of his limbs. 

Sean fights the urge to rub his side as he looks back at Ben, who takes a small sip of his beer. 

“He wants you,” Agar continues, but is interrupted as he stumbles on his feet and crashes into Ashton Turner, who has appeared seemingly out of thin air. 

“I think it’s time to call it a night for you,” Turner tells Agar who pouts — pouts, like a child — in reply. 

“But —” Agar begins to protest. 

“Do you want to face JL with a killer hangover tomorrow?” Turner asks Agar, with a tone that suggests to Sean this isn’t the first time this has happened. 

Agar pouts again. “Fine. But only if we can stop at Maccas on the way back.” 

“We need to sober you up as much as we can,” Turner tells Agar, who is not listening as he says goodbye to his new friends. It’s a scene of over exaggerated waves and hugs and slurring of words.

Sean watches Turner who looks at Agar, a small, fond smile tugging on his lips. 

“You two, huh?” Sean asks as he nudges Turner in the side. 

Turner shrugs his shoulders sheepishly, but the fond smile remains. 

“How long?” Sean asks. He’s not completely hammered like Agar. Just teetering along the edge of tipsiness. Nothing a greasy Big Mac can’t fix. 

“A year in January,” Turner answers, as Agar finally says goodbye to his friends. 

“Congrats, man. I had no idea,” Sean says as he claps Turner on the shoulder. 

The fond smile is still on Turner’s face as he replies, “not many people know. We try to keep it low-key.” 

Agar wraps an arm each around Turner and Sean’s shoulders. “Who’s ready for Maccas?” he shouts out before he starts chanting ‘Maccas, Maccas, Maccas’. 

“You want to come?” Turner turns to Sean. 

Sean nods his head. “Yeah. Need to sober up as much as possible from all the rounds Richo kept shouting.” 

Turner laughs as Agar starts singing along to Flo Rida’s _Low_. “Richo’s gonna regret it in the morning. Just like Ash over here.” Turner flicks Agar's ear playfully. Agar smacks it away with a frown on his face. 

Sean feels like the proverbial third wheel as the three men squash into the back of the Uber. Agar is babbling to Turner about nonsense and Turner is indulging in a sick display of public affection. It’s so sweet, too sweet, that Sean has to look away. 

And this comes from Sean, who secretly watches rom-coms when he’s alone. 

Sean lets Turner pay for the Uber on the condition that he pays for the food. Turner gives Sean his order as he goes to find a table in the corner, away from the public eye. Not that it matters. There’s nobody else, except for a pair of lovesick teenagers who are feeding each other chips, unaware of anything around them. 

Agar follows Sean up to order as he hasn’t made his mind up on what to order. Sean orders two Big Mac meals for Turner and himself and waits for Agar to order for himself. Agar is umming and ahhing, with the poor McDonald’s worker stuck on the night shift getting annoyed with Agar’s indecision. 

“Just choose something,” Sean whispers to Agar, seeing that the McDonald’s worker face has turned into a frown. 

“I’ll have a medium double cheeseburger meal with a Coke,” Agar says, finally deciding on his order. The McDonald’s worker has a relieved expression on her face as she punches in Agar’s order. Sean tells Agar to grab some straws and napkins as Sean pays for the order and waits to the side. 

Agar goes back to Turner in the booth, sliding beside him. They’re sitting close to each other, their heads lowered as they talk quietly to each other. Sean can’t believe he never figured it out until now. Turner and Agar are inseparable, always rooming together and always drifting to each other for stretches and drills. 

Sean thanks the worker as he is handed the tray with their order. He places the tray in front of his teammates and slides in the seat across from them. The three men are silent as they eat, with Agar stealing some of Turner’s fries when he thought Turner wasn’t looking.

Sean has sobered up after eating his greasy Big Mac and salty fries. Agar has sobered up considerably also, but he is still going to wake up with a killer hangover tomorrow. Or today, Sean should say, as he looks at his phone to see it is nearly 1 AM. 

They are the only ones left in the McDonald’s store as they throw out their rubbish and leave, waiting outside in the muggy night for their Uber. Agar is quiet and Sean notices that the colour has left Agar’s skin. 

Inside the Uber, Agar is squashed in between Turner and Sean, but doesn’t complain, unlike the Uber ride from the nightclub. Sean watches the buildings rolling by to the ride to the hotel, trying to give Turner and Agar their privacy in the tight space, as Turner whispers words of encouragement to Agar, who looks like he is about to be sick. 

It’s nearing 1:30 in the morning when the Uber pulls up at the kerb of the team hotel. Agar looks better than he did at the start of the ride back to the hotel, but his tan skin has not regained its colour. 

Turner leads Agar out of the car as Sean pays for the Uber. By the time Sean makes his way inside the hotel lobby, Turner and Agar are not in sight. Sean takes the time to reply to text messages from his family and friends about the match as he waits for the elevator. His mother has messaged him, telling him how proud she was with an array of heart emojis to follow. Some of his NSW teammates have messaged him, congratulating him on the two wickets he took. Hughesy sent a photo of himself with Bear, Sean’s dog, with the game on in the background, accompanied by a text saying _‘proud of you, bro’_

Sean’s sent the last reply to his messages as the elevator chimes and the doors slide open on his level. He takes out his hotel room card and slides it into the slot when the light flashes green and the door unlocks. 

The lights are on in the hotel room that Sean is sharing with Ben. Sean wonders if the rest of the team left after they did, calling it a night at this late hour, or if Ben left because _ he _ had left. Sean shakes his head, as though trying to shake away this thought. Sean’s never been self-centered, never been arrogant. He’s not going to start now. 

Sean tentatively opens the door and steps inside. Ben has the bed closest to the bedroom door and Sean has the bed closest to the bathroom. Ben is sitting on his bed on his phone with the lamp on the bedside table on, shirtless with grey cotton shorts on. 

Sean’s throat feels dry and he swallows, his eyes finding the rose tattoo on Ben’s upper arm. He looks away before Ben finds him staring. Sean feels Ben’s eyes on him as he crosses the room and sits on the edge of his bed, looking through his bag to find a clean pair of briefs, his NSW Blues shorts and an old plain white t-shirt for bed. 

“Before you have a shower, you should know there’s a spider in there. I tried to kill it, but I couldn’t. Don’t want you to get a nasty surprise,” Ben tells Sean, looking up from his phone again. There’s a faint smirk on Ben’s lips as he says this. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Sean swears as he walks into the bathroom to find the spider. Sean checks the bathroom three times, but finds no spider. He starts to think Ben’s messing around with him.

Sean comes out of the bathroom. “There’s no spider,” Sean tells Ben as he crosses his arms. 

“You didn’t look hard enough, then,” Ben says without looking up from his phone, but that faint smirk remains. 

Sean doesn’t reply, rolling his eyes as he grabs his clothes and walks back into the shower, closing the door behind him.

As Sean showers, his mind wanders over to Ben, just a door away. For somebody who supposedly couldn’t keep his eyes of Sean at the nightclub, he sure is giving mixed signals. He didn’t look interested in Sean, only interested in pushing Sean’s buttons. 

But if Ben _ is _ interested, if he _ does _ want Sean, Sean is not going to refuse, not going to turn Ben down. Not when he’s wanted Ben for far too long now. 

Sean dries himself off with a hotel-issued white towel and slips into his briefs and his t-shirt. Sean frowns when he goes to put on his shorts and they’re gone. Sean remembers taking them out of his bag and assumes he’s left them on his bed. He exits the bathroom, leaving the door open. 

Ben looks up as Sean comes out of the bathroom and sees Ben’s mouth widen before it closes just as quickly as it opened. Ben’s eyes follow Sean as he puts his clothes into a separate bag. Sean frowns as he doesn’t find his shorts on his bed. He looks under his bed. Nothing. He looks in his bag. Nothing. 

As Sean stands up, he stumbles into Ben’s hard chest. Ben has a smirk on his face as he holds Sean’s shorts. 

Sean reaches out to snatch his shorts from Ben, but Ben pulls his hand away. “Are you five?” Sean says to Ben, shaking his head as he unsuccessfully tries to grab his shorts a second time.

Ben throws Sean’s shorts across the room and steps closer to Sean, closing the distance between them before Sean can complain. Ben leans in close, his mouth brushing up against the shell of Sean’s ear as he whispers, “you were driving me crazy the entire time out there.” Sean shivers at the feeling of Ben’s mouth against his ear. “It was driving me crazy being so close to you, but not being able to touch you.” Sean thinks he’s dreaming. There’s no way Ben’s making a move on him. 

Sean doesn’t respond, doesn’t move. Ben leans away and Sean sees the flicker of doubt in his eyes. “I saw you staring at me at the club,” Sean says and the doubt in Ben’s eyes vanishes. 

“Couldn’t keep my eyes off you when you were dancing,” Ben tells Sean. 

“Didn’t think my flailing around was sexy,” Sean jokes. 

“It was cute,” Ben admits with a soft smile. Then, as though realising this was becoming too intimate for a pair who just want to have sex, Ben murmurs against Sean’s ear, “every time you got me out in the Big Bash or the Sheffield Shield, I didn’t know if I wanted to punch you or sleep with you.” 

“Sleeping with me sounds like a good option,” Sean replies and closes the gap between them. The kiss is messy— frantic from adrenaline running high. Ben’s hands find their way to Sean’s backside as Sean pushes Ben against the bedside table, pinning him in. 

Without breaking the kiss, Sean nudges Ben’s legs, hinting for Ben to open his legs. Ben does and Sean rests his thigh up against Ben’s crotch, feeling how much Ben wants this. 

Sean’s glad to know Ben wants this as much as he does, that he’s been waiting for this as much as Sean has. 

Sean turns his head to the side, breaking the kiss as Ben’s lips meet his neck. Ben leaves light kisses down Sean’s neck before Sean turns his head to face Ben. Ben’s beginning to rut against Sean’s thigh eagerly and impatiently. 

“You’ve said you’ve wanted this for a while, huh? Prove it. Prove to me that you have.” Ben moans at Sean’s words, his eyes falling shut as he ruts harder against Sean’s thigh which is still resting between Ben’s legs.

Ben opens his eyes and looks at Sean. Sean’s heart skips a beat at the intensity Ben is looking at Sean with. “As you wish,” Ben says and sinks down to his knees.

* * *

Sean’s alarm cuts through his sleep, blaring incessantly and repeatedly. Sean lies in bed, blinking as his eyes adjust to the light. 

“Turn it off,” Ben groans from beside him as Sean rolls over and turns off his alarm. 

Sean yawns and rubs his eyes, feeling crusted sleep in the corner of his eyes. Beside him, Ben has an arm draped over his face to block the sunlight streaming in through the windows. His other arm is draped over Sean's torso. 

“Come on, lazybones. You need to get up,” Sean says, nudging Ben with his foot as he rolls out of bed. Ben mumbles something incoherently as he rolls over, away from Sean. 

Sean has brushed his teeth, gotten dressed and finished packing the rest of his belongings while Ben remains lying in bed with his eyes closed. Sean hits Ben with his pillow. 

“What was that for?” Ben snaps, eyes narrowing at Sean. 

Sean’s taken aback. He hadn’t hit Ben hard to hurt, just hard enough for Ben to know he needs to hurry up if he wants to make it down to the hotel lobby on time. “You’re going to be late if you don’t get out of bed now,” Sean says as a lump forms in his throat. Something feels very, very wrong. Sean can feel it deep in his bones, unsettling him. 

Ben doesn’t respond as he rolls out of bed and walks into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. 

Sean watches Ben’s retreating figure helplessly. The unsettling feeling does not go away, so matter how many times Sean tells himself that he’s overthinking, that he’s worrying without knowing all the facts. 

Not wanting Ben to snap at him again, Sean takes his bags and exits the hotel room, shutting the door carefully behind him. 

Ben arrives down in the lobby just seconds before the team has to depart for the airport. He walks past Sean, ignoring him as he sits down with Kane, who looks rough from last night and Alex, with his usual bright smile. Sean schools his hurt expression into a blank one as he tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. 

Ben regrets sleeping with Sean last night. 

It is the only explanation Sean can come up with for Ben’s behaviour. It’s a stark difference to his behaviour last night, when he was telling Sean that he had been wanting Sean for a long time. 

But here he was today, ignoring Sean like he isn’t even present, like he is invisible. 

Sean feels like he has just gotten played. And it’s a horrible feeling, one that seeps down into dark thoughts that he hasn’t had in a long time. 

Sean looks around the hotel lobby, trying to find anything to take his mind away from the current problem he has found himself in. Seated on one of the lounges in the lobby are Ashtons Agar and Turner, the former looking pale and hungover from all the drinking last night. Turner is inconspicuously rubbing circles on Agar’s back with his thumb. It’s so discreet that one wouldn’t know unless they were told to look for it.

Sean sits down on the armchair next to Agar and Turner. “How are you doing?” Sean asks Agar out of politeness, even though he knows the answer from the lack of colour on Agar’s skin and the dark circles under his eyes. 

“Not good,” Agar answers, voice low as he shuts his eyes. 

“He threw up two times during the night,” Turner adds as he continues to rub circles on Agar’s back with his thumb. 

Sean grimaces. “Do you remember anything from last night?” he asks. 

Agar shakes his head. “I don’t remember anything after the game.” 

Sean is silently grateful for this. If Agar does not remember Ben staring at Sean, he won’t ask Sean questions about Ben. And with Ben’s sudden change in behaviour, Sean thinks he will lose it if he finds out somebody knows about them. 

Sean sits by himself at the front of the bus for the trip to the airport. Sean is one of the last ones to get on the bus, finding a seat behind Turner and Agar. Without meaning to, Sean’s eyes find Ben’s, who is sitting by himself towards the back of the bus. Ben has a blank expression on his face as he looks back at his phone. 

Sean distracts himself by playing _Subway_ _Surfers_ on his phone. Dan is responsible for getting everybody on the NSW team addicted to the game once again, with all the boys competing against each other, instigating fights that has ended with a ban being placed on the game. 

After a while, the game gets boring and Sean starts to scroll through his social media accounts when he gets a text from Dan asking Sean if it is okay to feed Sean’s dog gummy bears. Sean frantically replies back to the text telling Dan _ NO!!!!!!!! _ with the worry that Dan is inadvertently going to poison his dog. Next time Sean gets called up to the international squad, he’s leaving Bear with Moises. Dan has just replied with a sad face when a notification with Ben’s name pops up onto the screen. 

_ Sorry about this morning. Just tired. _

Sean lets out a relieved sigh. The unsettled feeling he’s been feeling throughout the morning has evaporated. Sean replies back with an _ all good, mate. _

Sean hopes that it’s the end of this weird space he and Ben are in.

* * *

It isn’t. 

In fact, nothing has changed since the morning. Ben continues to ignore Sean at the airport while the team lingers around for their flights. The last two flights were the flights to Sydney and Hobart, with Ben lingering around with the NSW boys drinking coffees and eating muffins that the dietitians don’t need to know about. 

When Ben announces he’s going to take a piss, Sean counts to fifteen before he mumbles he needs to go too and follows Ben into the bathroom. 

Fortunately for Sean, there’s nobody else in the bathroom besides them. Ben raises an eyebrow as he looks as Sean through the mirror. 

Sean’s arms are crossed and he isn’t impressed. In fact, he’s annoyed and pissed off. “What the hell are you playing at?” Sean demands. 

“What?” 

“What are you playing at?” Sean repeats. “I brushed off your shitty attitude this morning because you said you were tired, but you’re still acting the same way.” 

“What did you think? That because we slept together you were going to be more than a teammate?” Ben sneers, his face turning into something ugly, something vicious and cold and cruel. “I don’t owe you anything, Abbott. I wanted to fuck you, I did and now it’s over.” 

Everything Ben is saying feels like a punch to the gut. Or a slap to the face. Or a knife digging into Sean’s heart, getting deeper and deeper with every word Ben says. Sean tries to not let the hurt show on his face, to not let Ben see that his words were like a vice tightening around Sean’s neck, making it hard for him to breathe. 

“If you’re done, I need to piss.” Ben turns away from Sean, like a dismissal. Sean turns around and leaves, the bathroom becoming too small, caving in around him. 

The unsettling feeling Sean had from this morning is back. And it is so strong Sean feels like throwing up from the weight of it. 


	2. would we be better off by now (if i’d have let my walls come down?)

**HOBART, TASMANIA**

Twelve days later, Ben finds himself lining up against NSW in the Marsh One-Day Cup. In those twelve days, Sean has barely been a passing thought in Ben’s mind, as he gets back into the swing of one day cricket. 

But the morning of the match between Tasmania and New South Wales, Sean is all Ben can think about. How he looked when he took his first wicket back in Australia colours, the passion and joy in his eyes taking Ben’s breath away. Or how Sean looked on the dancefloor, long limbs flailing ungracefully as he and Agar tried to time uncoordinated dance moves to the music. Or how his eyes lit up as he and Ben kissed in their hotel room, Sean being the only thing Ben could focus on, when he finally had Sean where he wanted after all that time of looking and wondering and wishing. 

But the hurt in Sean’s eyes in that airport bathroom… 

Ben’s throat had clogged up as soon as he saw the hurt in Sean’s eyes, saw that pinch of pain before Sean quickly masked up his hurt. 

Ben did not mean to hurt Sean. The words had just kept tumbling out, his tongue growing heavier with each harsh word he spoke. He hadn’t meant to let down Sean that harshly, but he panicked at seeing Sean’s eagerness, at seeing the way his own body just wanted to drift towards Sean whenever he walked into the room. 

The knot in Ben’s stomach disappears when the teams come out and Sean’s name is not listed in NSW’s lineup. Ben feels horrible at the thought, but a selfish part of him deep inside is internally grateful. 

Before the match starts, both players from each side shake each other’s hands, the NSW players walking past the Tasmanian boys in a line. As Dan Hughes grips Ben’s hand in a handshake, Ben swears Hughes grips just that little bit harder. Subtly enough, if it wasn’t for the pinch between Hughes’ eyebrows. Hughes looks at Ben dead in eyes and Ben involuntarily shivers at the threat in Hughes’ light coloured eyes. 

Ben isn’t one to normally get intimidated by the opposition, but something in Hughes’ grip and eyes has him intimidated. 

Henriques is behind Hughes and nudges him in the back, wordlessly telling his teammate to hurry up. Hughes gives Ben one last hateful glare before he moves on to Beau, beside Ben.

Ben tries to not let Hughes’ behaviour become anything but a passing thought in his mind. But it is too much of a coincidence that two weeks after Ben and Sean slept together, Hughes - who is Sean’s teammate and friend - is giving him the cold shoulder. If Sean has told people about him and Ben… Ben doesn’t want to think about that. The last thing he needs is his teammates finding out about Sean. After Ollie - Ben promised himself he wouldn’t put somebody else in that position again, that he wouldn’t put _himself_ in that situation again. 

Ben needed to put some distance between himself and Sean. He didn’t realise that Sean would become so attached, would want something more. Ben wasn’t ready for that then. He wasn’t ready to be with someone again and wasn’t expecting that when he slept with Sean.

And it isn’t because he is gay. Ben has come to terms with his sexuality years ago. Ben isn’t ready to commit again, to make somebody sneak around and hide their relationship because of Ben’s profession. 

The sneaking around and hiding had been what cost his relationship with Ollie and Ben will be damned if he put someone through that again, if he put himself through that again. 

Since Ollie, there hasn’t been anyone that has caught Ben’s eye. Sure he’s had hookups with guys since Ollie — only the ones who aren’t interested in cricket and have no idea who he is — but he hasn’t had anyone who he has been drawn to, who he can’t keep his mind off. 

Except for Sean. 

Ben had chalked his interest for Sean as attraction. But when Ben woke up with his arm around Sean and Sean resting beside him, Ben had freaked out. He’d never let anyone stay the night since Ollie, in fear of getting attached. But with Sean, all of Ben’s rules went out the window. 

And that’s what scared Ben the most.

The game swings in Tasmania’s favour. They beat NSW by 120 runs, ending the one-day season on a high before resuming the Sheffield Shield season. The game doesn’t go well for Ben personally, however. An edge to second slip resulted in a six-ball duck to his name and all Ben could do was helplessly watch the ball sail past him all the way to second slip after trying to play a defensive shot. 

Since it was the end of the competition with both teams ineligible to make the final, the NSW boys share a beer with the Tasmanian boys in the sheds. Jackson makes his way over to the NSW boys, some who will be his teammates once again in the Big Bash, with Jackson signing for the Sydney Sixers. He chats with Henriques, Hughes and the youngster Kerr, who barely says a word, just eating up whatever the senior players are saying. 

“What’s got you all moody, pretty boy?” Jimmy asks as he sits down beside Ben with no regard for Ben’s personal space. 

Ben shifts away from Jimmy. “Fuck off, Jimmy. I’m not in the mood.” He takes a swig of his beer. 

Jimmy, sensing a nerve and deciding to jump on it, says, “is this about your duck? You _do_ realise we won the game?” He says slowly, like Ben is a child. He gives Ben a shit-stirring grin that he knows will drive Ben positively mad. 

“Go annoy Bails,” Ben mutters, taking another swig of his beer, not rising to the bait. 

Jimmy pouts like a child. “You’re no fun,” he mumbles before he pulls himself up and goes to annoy his other teammates. 

The celebrations take Ben and his teammates to a local pub. It is getting close to midnight and all Ben wants to do is leave. He keeps checking his phone every two minutes, disappointed when time hasn’t moved as fast as he wants to. He stopped drinking an hour ago, not wanting to drink too much and reveal something he doesn’t want anybody knowing about. All around him, his teammates are drinking and yelling and conversing rowdily with each other. Ben wishes he could join in, to not have his mind constantly go back to that night in Perth, no matter how many times he tries to shut that night out, to forget it ever happened. 

At midnight, Ben calls an Uber from the pub and leaves without saying goodbye, his teammates unaware of his departure as they sing a drunk rendition of _Sweet Caroline_

At 2AM, Ben finds himself scrolling through Sean’s instagram, a heavy weight on his chest as he does so. Ben finds his eyes watering and he knows it isn’t from the bright light of his phone screen contrasting with his dark room. 

At 3AM, Ben finally falls asleep with Sean’s name on his lips and Sean’s face on his mind.

* * *

**ALICE SPRINGS, NORTHERN TERRITORY**

A month later, Ben finds himself sitting on a plane flying out to Alice Springs for the fourth match of the Big Bash competition. It is the first match for the Hurricanes and Ben is itching to get out on the field and play. 

And thinking about seeing Sean, at possibly facing Sean on the opposite end of the crease feels Ben with so much dread he thinks he is going to be sick. In the last month, Ben has put that night in Perth out of his mind as he directs all his energy into preparing for the Big Bash. He’s stayed back at training too many times to count, forcing Riley to throw balls at him until he has blisters all over his hands, until his fingers are so stiff they can barely grip his bat. He tires himself out so much during the day he just makes it to his bed before he crashes out, his sleep dreamless and _ not _ of Sean. 

Ben has the window seat, much to Riley’s annoyance when they saw their assigned seats on their plane tickets. As they wait for takeoff, Riley stretches his long legs into the aisle of the plane, making the Qantas air hostesses send glares his way as he crams his legs back into the space in front of him, narrowly avoiding creating an accident. 

Riley is texting his girlfriend, a smile on his face as he does so. Ben feels shitty for getting annoyed at his close mate’s happiness, but it sends Ben a feeling akin to needles piercing his chest. Deep down, Ben wants to have that. He wants to have a person he can come home to, to tell them all about his day and to listen to everything about their day. 

Ben’s face must give away what he’s thinking as Riley turns off his phone and looks at Ben. “You still thinking about Ollie?” Riley asks softly. 

In a way, he is. Ben couldn’t give Ollie what he wanted: somebody to come home to and a relationship that didn’t consist of hiding and watching their every move. 

Ben sighs, “It’s — it’s going to sound stupid.” Ben looks out of the window as he says this, watching the crew workers stow the bags onto the plane. 

“I’m not going to judge you, mate,” Riley says gently — not pushing for Ben to speak, but letting Ben know he can talk to him. 

Ben knows this. Beside his family, Riley is the only one who knows about Ben’s sexuality and about Ollie. And that was because he found Ben curled up into a ball in his shower, cold water streaming down and chilling Ben to the bone after Ollie had left and left a hole in Ben’s life. And after Riley opened the shower door, turned off the running water and wrapped Ben up in a towel to warm him up, Ben told Riley everything, knowing he could trust him after seeing how concerned his mate looked. 

Ben looks at the row behind him. Jimmy and George are sharing headphones, engrossed with something on Jimmy’s phone. Ben looks at the row in front of him. Simon is sitting by himself, headphones in. Ben can hear Taylor Swift blaring through Simon’s headphones. But Ben can’t judge. He secretly has _ Wildest Dreams _ and _ I Knew You Were Trouble _ downloaded onto his phone after hearing the songs from his sisters. 

“You don’t have to tell me here,” Riley tells Ben, catching onto Ben’s behaviour. 

Ben nods his head, filled with relief as the plane begins to take off.

* * *

With Wadey being out, Ben has been promoted to captain for the Big Bash season. And the responsibility of the captaincy also comes with its rewards. Such as not having to share a room with anybody. 

After dinner, Ben invites Riley up into his room to talk. Ben had been on edge all throughout dinner, barely eating his food. Which was rare, since Ben’s stomach normally knows no end. Ben is the biggest eater in the team and when questioned about his uncharacteristic lack of appetite during dinner, Ben wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it. Fortunately for him, his lie about being sick from the flight kept unwanted questions away. Ben and Riley walk wordlessly to Ben’s room, Riley sensing Ben’s anxiousness and keeping quiet. 

Ben slides his hotel room card into the slot and pushes open the door for Riley to walk through. Riley whistles appreciatively as he scans Ben’s room. “The captaincy does have its privileges,” Riley says as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

“Want anything to drink?” Ben asks as he heads over to raid the mini-fridge. 

“Whatever’s in there,” Riley says as he takes out his phone and starts typing, most likely texting his girlfriend. 

Ben only finds Diet Coke in the mini-fridge and hands Riley the can as he opens up his own can and takes a sip. When Ben has put his Diet Coke onto a coaster, Riley’s eyes are on him, waiting expectantly. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Riley asks gently. He isn’t pushing Ben which Ben is grateful for. 

“I - I fucked up during the series against Pakistan,” Ben admits. He closes his eyes, contemplating his words before speaking again. “Since Ollie I… hadn’t let anyone come close. Didn’t want to have to hide just because I am a professional athlete.” There’s bitterness and resentment in Ben’s last sentence, tasting sour on his tongue. “After the Perth match, the team went out and celebrated. And I ended up sleeping with Sean.” 

Riley doesn’t say anything for several seconds that feel like hours to Ben. Then, “Abbott?” 

Ben nods his head, “yeah — Abbott.” 

Riley asks, “what happened after?” 

“We woke up together and I freaked. Ignored him and when he confronted me about it I was such a dickhead to him. Told him that what happened was a one-time thing and wouldn’t change anything.” 

“Because of Ollie?” Riley questions slowly, choosing his words. 

“Yeah. Because of Ollie,” Ben confirms, his shoulders sagging in shame of the things he said to Sean that day in the airport bathroom. “And he’s probably mad at me still and I have to face him tomorrow. How can I face him when I was such a jackass to him?” 

“You’re not as much of a dickhead as you think you are if you’re feeling guilty over this,” Riley tells Ben with a small smile. 

“Still doesn’t change what I did,” Ben mutters as he sits down on the couch, resting his legs on the small coffee table. 

“Why don’t you talk to him?” 

Ben looks at Riley, unimpressed. “Did you not hear anything I said?” 

Riley huffs and rolls his eyes. “Obviously, dickhead. Why don’t you just explain yourself? I’m sure he understands. Maybe he’s gone through the same thing himself.” 

“What? Like I did with Ollie?” Ben asks, latching onto Riley’s idea as he sits forward, elbows resting on his thighs. 

“Can’t screw things up more than you already have,” Riley states before getting up. “I’m gonna head back to my own room. Going to face-time the missus.” 

Ben opens the door for Riley. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it.” 

“Of course, _Benny_,” Riley says as he pinches Ben’s cheek, using the nickname that is only reserved for Ben’s grandmother that he loves very much. 

“Fuck off.” Ben slaps away Riley’s hand and closes the door just as Riley starts laughing.

Ben feels better after his talk with Riley, much better than he’s felt in the last month. His talk with Riley has opened up a sliver of hope. Maybe there _ is _ a chance to fix things with Sean. Maybe there is a chance for Ben to properly move on from Ollie, to give himself the chance to be happy. 

And it all rests on Sean giving Ben the opportunity to talk.

* * *

Ben lets out a deep breath as the Sixers final wicket falls. After putting on a low total of 129, Ben had been certain that the Sixers batters would steamroll themselves to victory. (Which Ben shouldn’t have been thinking, being the captain; the person his teammates looked to as a means of inspiration, of belief. But he will deny that he had any doubt in his teammates). 

Sean had only lasted one ball out in the middle and as Ben had watched the reply of his stumping out on the field, he had experienced disappointment for a moment before reigning himself in. He needed to put his personal feelings aside. On the field, all that mattered was guiding the Hurricanes to a win. 

Ben and Henriques greet each other, both captains setting the example for their teammates. Henriques mutters a soft _ good game _ in his ear before he moves along down the line. Hughes shakes his hand, but unlike the one-day game in November, Hughes barely glances at Ben this time. From the way Henriques is glancing at Hughes, Ben concludes that Henriques had a word with Hughes before the match. 

When Sean reaches Ben, Ben’s heart jumps. His heartbeat accelerates and his palms feel clammy. Ben opens his mouth, about to say that he wanted to talk to Sean but he is beaten to it by Sean. 

“Good game,” Sean mutters. His voice is low and his eyes don’t meet Ben’s. He gives Ben a weak handshake, gripping his hand for no longer than a second before shaking Riley’s hand. 

Ben tries to not let his disappointment show as his stomach tightens into a knot; unsettling in the pit of his stomach. He feels Riley’s eyes boring into the side of his head and Ben hates how Riley knows. He’s embarrassed that Riley’s witnessed that interaction with Sean. 

Ben’s stomach churns as he studies Sean. He has his arms crossed, jaw clenched as he stands with Hughes, Henriques and Tom Curran. He looks _exactly_ how Ben was the day after they slept together.

And it makes Ben feel sick. This Sean standing in front of him is not the Sean Ben saw that night in Perth. That Sean was a person full of light and happiness. Sean had this warmth about him that had Ben drawn to him. 

But now, all that is gone. The person Ben saw that night in Perth is gone. Sean is now cold, aloof. A shell of the person he used to be. 

“Mate,” Riley begins, his hand resting on Ben’s back. 

Ben shrugs off Riley’s hand. “I’m fine,” he says. Even though he’s far from fine. Even though his chest hurts, like someone’s ripped his heart out and has stomped all over it, shattering to millions of pieces. 

Ben risks looking at Sean again. This shift in behaviour, it is Ben’s fault. Ben _ hurt _ Sean, all because he was scared of being hurt again Ben has driven Sean away before Sean even had the chance to get close. 

And just like that, Ben is alone again. Just like he was when the weight of having to hide became too much for Ollie to bear. 

Ben’s only has himself to blame. He had Sean, seeing glimpses of what it would be like to have Sean in his life, of what it would be like to be with somebody again. But his fear and pride had pushed Sean far away. And it had scared him, to finally find somebody he was interested him, after so long of sleeping around, trying so hard to not blur the lines between lust and love. 

And it doesn’t look like Ben will get a second chance to make things right.


	3. said i’d never fall (but then i fell for you)

**SYDNEY, NEW SOUTH WALES**

Nearly a month later, Sean finds himself sitting in the dugout at the SCG, watching the heavy rain fall down all around him. 

The cold rain seeps through his rain jacket, chilling him to the bone despite the fact that it is mid-January. 

Sean’s picking at his nails — a bad habit he’s never been able to break, no matter how many times Harry’s given him shit about the state of his nails. Beside him, Tom and James are chatting to each other at such a fast pace, that, combined with their accents, Sean cannot understand a word they are saying. 

Not that Sean wants to talk. Not with the last person he’d ever want to be stuck in a confined space with sitting several metres away from him in his own dugout, chatting away with Riley Meredith, head thrown back in laughter. 

Not that Sean is looking. 

Sean looks up to see Dan standing in the rain, beside Moises, who is chatting with Shippy. Dan and Moises are inseparable, ever since they got their acts together. 

With Dan off living with Moises, Sean is back to an empty house with only his dog, Bear, for company. 

Many nights since Perth, Sean has come home to an empty house. The silence is too much to bear, leaving Sean’s mind to wander, drifting back to _ that _ night, the night where he found everything he didn’t know he wanted, and had lost it before he got a chance to see how it felt. 

Since then, Sean has hated silence. Silence only let his mind drift to unwanted thoughts and rehashing of the past. 

Sean must look as miserable as the weather, as Moises and Dan sit down, one on each side of Sean. 

“Are you still thinking about that asshole?” Dan asks, frowning. He looks over to Ben and his frown deepens. 

“Shut up, Dan,” Moises hisses, glaring at Dan. 

When Moises and Dan had seen how miserable Sean looked after coming from Perth, they had forced the truth out of Sean. Upon hearing what happened, Dan had lost it, angry at what Ben has done to Sean. Moises, on the other hand, had asked Sean if he was going to speak to Ben, to see his side of the story. 

“What’s there to speak about?” Sean had said to Moises. “He told me he didn’t want this. He belittled me for thinking that it could be more. He’s said enough.” 

Moises, thankfully, had left it alone. Dan hadn’t, and had let his resentment harbour until New South Wales played Tasmania and gave Ben the cold shoulder, earning a spray from Moises about unprofessionalism and immaturity. 

“Are you going to talk to him?” Moises asks Sean carefully. 

“No,” Sean responds without hesitation. “There’s nothing left to say.” 

“Why do you want Sean to talk to him so much? The guy’s a dickhead,” Dan says, arms crossed. 

“I just think there’s more to the story,” Moises replies, shrugging his shoulders. 

“What’s more to say? He and Sean slept together. He told Sean that it was never going to happen again and said Sean was delusional for thinking anything else would happen,” Dan continues, a crease forming between his eyes. 

Sean flinches at the rehashing of the events in Perth. “Thanks for rubbing more salt in the wound,” Sean mutters. 

Dan grimaces. “Fuck… sorry, Sabba.” 

Moises tactfully changes the subject, saying that the rain had set in and the match would possibly be called off in half an hour. 

Jordan Silk walks over with some of the Hurricane players, dragging Dan into a conversation about the footy season starting in March. Moises is dragged into another conversation with the umpires and Matthew Wade, leaving Sean alone with this thoughts for company. 

Until someone wearing purple sits down beside him. 

Sean instinctively moves over, leaving a healthy gap between himself and Ben. 

Sean forces himself to look up, and Sean’s heart clenches in his chest at the sight of a rain–soaked Ben McDermott, hair flattened and messy in all directions from the rain. Despite being wet, he looks soft wrapped up in a Hurricanes rain jacket and Sean has to suppress the instinct to want to slide back over to Ben, to savour his warmth. 

But then Sean remembers all the cruel words Ben spat at him in the airport bathroom, and the desire to cuddle up beside Ben vanishes, replaced with the desire to yell, to curl up into a ball and cry. 

“What do you want?” Sean asks. It’s cold, impersonal, as though Ben and himself are strangers. 

Ben’s nervous smile falters when he sees Sean’s blank expression and Sean feels slightly satisfied at this. 

“I, um. I wanted to… talk,” Ben flumbles the words. 

“You wanted to talk?” Sean asks, still using the cold, impersonal tone. “About what?” 

“About everything,” Ben says quietly. His eyes are filled with regret, and Sean almost caves in, almost lets his walls down. 

But he doesn’t. As much as he wants Ben to take back what he said that day, to say he wants Sean in way Sean wants him, he can’t handle being hurt again. 

“There’s nothing left to say,” Sean says, careful not to attract too much attention. “I said what I needed to say that day in Perth and you said what you needed to say.” 

“That’s not true,” Ben says. 

“I need to go.” Sean stands up and heads down into the race, needing to get away from this conversation. From Ben. 

All Sean can think about is Ben saying those words Sean’s been wishing he’d say two months ago. Sean can hear the words in his head. 

_ I want you. I want you. I want you. I want you. _

But all Sean can hear is Ben’s condensing laugh, that sound that rattled Sean’s bones. 

_ It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over — _

“Sean, please!” 

Sean groans at the sound of Ben’s voice. He has followed Sean down the race, doing the opposite of what Sean wanted him to do. 

But what if he didn’t want to mock Sean again? What if Moises _ was _ right, and there is something more to this story? Is Sean willing to take that risk? 

Ben has caught up to Sean, not even out of breath as he grabs Sean’s arm and drags him into a dusty storeroom. 

The thick coating of dust in the confined space makes Sean sneeze, his whole body shaking with the motion. He ignores Ben’s ‘bless you’ as he wipes his nose with a tissue. 

“Are you getting sick?” Ben asks, voice raised in concern. 

“No.” Sean shakes his head. Then, because Sean is a slightly bitter and petty after everything that has happened, adds, “not that it’s any of your business.” 

Ben looks down at his feet, hurt. Then, “you’re right. It isn’t, after how I treated you.” 

Sean’s heart involuntarily leaps in his chest at the remorse in Ben’s tone. Moises’ words keep playing in Sean’s mind. 

Ben takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes before opening them again. He says, “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I still kick myself for treating you like shit.” 

“So you should,” Sean replies, bitterness and pettiness creeping back again. 

Ben nods his head, taking the dig in his stride. “I know I fucked things up, especially since that night was so good. But the truth is, I was scared, and my fear lead me to push you away.” 

Sean tries to not let his surprise show on his face as he takes in Ben’s words. Sean doesn’t know what to say back. He’s rendered speechless by Ben’s explanation.

Sean doesn’t get the chance to speak as Moises’ voice drifts in from the hallway. “Sabba, where are you? The media team wants you for a quick video with the fans.”

“Fuck,” Sean swears. Ben panics also at hearing Moises’ voice. Moises’ footsteps drift down the hall, away from the storeroom, calling out Sean’s name to find his whereabouts. “I’ll leave now. You come out five minutes later, okay?” 

Sean’s hand is on the door handle when Ben reaches for his arm. “When are we going to finish our chat?” he asks. 

“I don’t know,” Sean replies, trying to not let his frustration show. The last thing he wants is for Moises to catch him with Ben in a storeroom. 

“Come to my hotel room after the game,” Ben says. “Please.”

The desperation in Ben’s eyes makes Sean look away. “Send me the address. I’ll see,” Sean says carefully, not giving Ben an answer. 

Ben looks relieved at this, easing his grip on Sean’s arm. 

Sean doesn’t look back as he exits the storeroom. The last twenty minutes have been a whirlwind, and Sean needs time to process it all. 

And decide if he’s going to come to Ben’s hotel room after the game to finish their chat. 

* * *

Sean’s been sitting in his room for an hour, Ben’s address to his hotel room staring back at him. The game had been called off with the rain setting in with no chance of it stopping for the game to be resumed. Both teams shook hands and walked away with shared points. 

And with that, Sean was left to decide whether he would come to Ben’s hotel room to talk. Throughout these hellish two months, Sean has been wishing that Ben would reach out to talk, but now that Ben has reached out… Sean wasn’t sure about what to do. 

With what Ben had said already, that he regretted everything he did to Sean, did that mean he wants Sean? Does that mean he wants to be _ with _ Sean? 

Sean’s heart does somersaults in his chest at the thought of being with Ben. At having Ben beside him when he goes to bed with the comfort in knowing Ben will be there when he wakes up. At listening to Ben’s day and Ben listening to Sean’s day. At walking along the beach at sunrise with Ben while Bear tugs on his leash. 

Sean doesn’t realise he’s smiling until his phone screen fades to black and he’s seeing his reflection in the dark screen. 

Sean stands up before he gives his brain the opportunity to overthink, to fill his mind with doubt. 

Sean’s standing at Ben’s hotel room door twenty minutes later, soaked to the bone. The rain was pouring down heavier than it had when the game had gotten called off, and Sean was so preoccupied he only realised he hadn’t brought an umbrella when he stepped outside. 

Sean’s hand is raised, about to knock on the door until he stops himself. He leaves it in the air before resting it beside him. Sean doesn’t know what he is going to say to Ben, doesn’t know what he wants to say to Ben. 

God, Sean hasn’t been this nervous since his first match for Australia. 

Sean knocks on the door before he overthinks again and flees, leaving Ben waiting and waiting for Sean to arrive only to realise that Sean isn’t coming. 

Sean has that thought, but it vanishes with the sound of his mother’s voice. 

_ Two wrongs don’t make a right, Sean. _

The door opens. Ben is standing in the doorway, his frame filling the small space. His hair is damp and scented, like he’s just washed his hair. Ben’s wearing a grey Adidas hoodie, so big that it hides his large frame, making him look small. 

“I didn’t think you would show up,” Ben admits, his cheeks heating up as he scratches the back of his head. 

Sean feels bad for making Ben wait, but— “Didn’t know if I wanted to come.” The words come out harsher than he intended for them to be, but Sean doesn’t apologise. 

“Come in,” Ben mumbles, stepping aside to let Sean through. Sean walks through the hall and sits down on the couch opposite from the queen-sized bed. 

“Do you want anything to drink?” Ben asks, coming back from closing the door. 

Sean shakes his head. “No I’m fine. Thank you,” Sean adds. 

Ben nods his head and sits down on the edge of his bed, tucking his arms around his body. Sean realises Ben isn’t just wearing the jumper because he’s cold. 

Moises would laugh if he saw this, saying that Sean does the exact same thing. 

Ben coughs, the sound loud and abrasive in the heavy silence. “So..” he trails off. 

Sean doesn’t say anything as he looks at a spot on the grey suede couch. 

Ben coughs again and scratches the back of his head before speaking again. “Before we got interrupted, there was something I needed to tell you.” 

Sean looks up at this, his brown eyes bleeding into Ben’s blue ones. Ben swallows and the movement of his Adam’s apple catches Sean’s eye. Sean looks back up at Ben, who fidgets in his spot. 

Ben closes his eyes. “Why is this so hard to say?” he asks out loud. Sean doesn’t comment, knowing the question wasn’t directed at him. When Ben opens his eyes, the hurt in them hits Sean, making Sean feel winded. 

“I’ve only told this to one person,” Ben says. “And now you.” Ben takes a deep breath. “About a year ago, I was with someone. A guy.” Ben pauses, gauging a reaction from Sean. 

Sean nods his head and Ben continues. “I really loved him. He made me so happy, made me feel like a better person. But towards the end of the relationship, something had changed. He was never happy and we always argued over why we were sneaking around, having to hide our relationship. We fought about this so many times, and eventually he had enough. He left me, saying he couldn’t handle the hiding and sneaking around anymore.” 

Sean is quiet as Ben talks, taking in Ben’s word. Sean doesn’t know what to say. He hasn’t experienced what Ben went through. He’s never been with a guy before — sure, he’s hooked up with guys that he’s been interested in, but all his committed relationships had been with girls. Sean doesn’t know what it feels like, to have to hide a relationship due to the line of work one is in. 

“Ben,” Sean says, not knowing what he is going to say, but knowing he has to say something. 

Ben shakes his head. “I need to say this. When we… slept together that night in Perth, it was the happiest I had been since Ollie. It had been fucking amazing, but it had also been fucking scary. You’re the first person I had truly been interested in since Ollie. And that brought up all the shit I had been through and it caused me to be a dick to you.” Ben swallows down a lump in his throat. 

“It doesn’t excuse the way I treated you. I know I was a fucking asshole to you, Sean. That day in the airport, it killed me to see you so upset over something I did.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sean asks, voice breaking. “Why didn’t you tell me instead of hurting yourself and hurting me?” 

“Because I was scared,” Ben admits, his voice breaking. “I was scared at how strongly I feel about you. I was scared at getting hurt all over again.” 

“I’m not like your previous boyfriend,” Sean tells Ben. 

Ben gives Sean a watery smile. “No, you’re not.” 

“And if you just _talked_ _to_ _me_, you would’ve realised I feel strongly about you too and we could have avoided all the heartache from these last two months.” Sean isn’t excusing what Ben had done, but to hear his side of his story, to hear the whole truth, if Ben just said the words…. 

“You still feel this way?” Ben asks, uncertain. “Even after everything I said?” 

“I never stopped,” Sean replies, the sound of his heart beating in his chest filling up his ears. “Even after everything that happened.” 

Ben smiles, the sight making Sean’s heart skip a beat. He slides off the bed and sits down beside Sean on the couch, a hand coming up to Sean’s cheek. The simple action sends a shiver down Sean’s spine, his body coming alive with just one touch. 

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” Ben asks, voice barely above a whisper as he leans in, his lips faintly brushing against Sean’s. 

“Yes,” Sean whispers, glad he popped in a breath mint before he got here — 

Ben’s lips finds Sean’s and Sean doesn’t realise how much he missed this until now. Ben’s lips are a familiar and welcomed weight on his own, taking Sean back to that night in Perth, an opportunity of new beginnings and possibilities. Ben’s hands drag down Sean’s arm, lighting up Sean’s skin through the thick cotton of his jumper. Sean feels hot all over, like he’s in the middle of an inferno. 

Sean’s arm wrap around Ben’s neck, pulling Ben even closer. Sean pulls too hard, resulting in Ben falling into Sean’s lap and his lips meeting Sean’s cheek instead. Ben laughs and blows a raspberry onto Sean’s cheek, making Sean pull the drawstring of Ben’s hoodie in retaliation. 

“Asshole,” Ben mutters, pulling away. 

“Sorry,” Sean says without an ounce of remorse. 

“Gonna teach you a lesson,” Ben says as he takes off his jumper and discards it on the floor. Sean lies down on top of the pillows, wriggling to make himself comfortable. 

“Show me what you’ve got,” Sean taunts, riling Ben up. Ben leans over Sean and kisses down Sean’s neck, sneaking a hand under Sean’s shirt and tweaking a nipple. Sean groans at the stimulation.

Sean lifts up his arms and Ben takes off his jumper and shirt, running his hand over Sean’s chest. One of Ben’s hand finds Sean’s crotch, palming it through Sean’s jeans as Ben’s lips find one of Sean’s nipples. 

Sean lets out drawn out moans, eyes closed with his hands in Ben’s hair. Soon, Ben stops, sitting upright on the couch with his knees spread open, wordlessly inviting Sean. 

Sean answers as he sinks to his knees, kissing down Ben’s bare chest. 

* * *

**MELBOURNE, VICTORIA**

Sean’s heart is thumping in his ribcage, threatening to burst. He keeps looking at the scoreboard, seeing that one last wicket has to fall, the last obstacle in the Sixers’ way to the final. 

Sweat trickles down his temple and he wipes it away with his hand. Despite the blustery wind that characterises the MCG, Sean is hot. 

Sean squeezes the ball in his hand as he listens to Moises’ instructions. Moises taps him on the back before jogging back to mid-wicket. “You got this mate,” he calls over his shoulder. 

Sean blocks out the roars of the crowd, the music coming out of the speakers as he narrows his gaze on the stumps, at the batsman standing in front of the stumps. 

Sean thinks of nothing as he runs up and bowls, the ball leaving his hand and sailing to the batsman’s pad. 

Sean calls to the umpire, hands up in the air, pleading until he sees the finger go up. Then, he’s filled with sheer joy at the realisation that _they’ve made the fucking final. _Sean is pulled into a hug by Joshy Hazlewood, joined by Josh Philippe, who are cheering and yelling, fuelled by the adrenaline pumping in their veins. 

The surrounding sounds fade into white nose as Sean looks up at the scoreboard, seeing that the Stars have been run out for 99 runs. Sean raises his arms up in victory, knowing that Ben is watching from his hotel room, proud at what Sean has achieved. 

Sean’s lying if he says that thinking about Ben doesn’t illicit a giddy smile. 

The next hour passes by in a haze, as the Sixers players all have a round of drinks in the sheds, celebrating the win. Dan and Moises are sitting in the corner of the room, thighs and hips pressing against each other, laughing. Only Sean notices Dan’s arm wrapped around Moises’ waist. 

Tom texts Sean, congratulating the team on the win despite the time difference. Sean and Tom exchange several texts, before Tom admits that he needs to go bed otherwise he won’t be able to get up for training in the next few hours. 

It’s past midnight when Sean arrives at the hotel room. He drags his kit bag over to the side of the hallway, kicking off his shoes before he steps into the bedroom. 

Despire it being late, Ben is wide awake, lounging on the bed, tapping away on his phone, having rekindled his obsession with Angry Birds in the last few weeks. 

Sean’s mouth is gaped open, drinking in the sight of Ben splayed on the bed in nothing but his briefs. Sean swallows down the lump in his throat, the sound loud enough in this quiet room to get Ben to look up from his phone. 

Ben smirks upon seeing Sean’s reaction and Sean swears he caught a glimpse of the devil. Ben rolls over — slowly and deliberately, to give Sean a view of his backside — and places his phone on the bedside table. 

Ben lays back down onto the pillow, arms resting behind his head. Sean is still standing at the foot of the bed. 

“What are you waiting for?” Ben asks, his eyes full of mirth. “We have a win to celebrate.” 

Sean wastes no time in closing the gap between them with a searing kiss.   
  


* * *

**SYDNEY, NEW SOUTH WALES **

Ben can’t believe how lucky he is. Despite everything that happened, Sean wants him. Sean has feelings for him. The same feelings that Ben has for Sean. 

Ben looks at Sean’s sleeping figure beside him on the bed, the smooth planes of his back illuminated by the golden light seeping in through the gaps in the blinds. 

Ben is careful to not wake Sean up as he slips out of bed, slipping on his pair of briefs and one of Sean’s training shorts. The shorts are a little snug, with Ben’s build being a little wider than Sean’s, but Ben can’t be bothered going through his own suitcase to find a pair of shorts. 

Ben’s feet pad on the tiled floor, the sound waking up Bear, who was lounging on his bed. Bear pads over to Ben, licking his feet and legs before lying down over Ben’s feet as Ben makes himself coffee and toast.

“Come on, Bear,” Ben says in between laughs as he gently eases Bear off his feet. Ben sits on a stool on the counter and applies Nutella to his toast. He peels off the crust, leaving it on his plate. But upon seeing Bear’s hopeful eyes, Ben gives Bear his crust. Bear happily eats it and rests beside the stool. 

Ben has finished his coffee when Sean walks into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes. 

“Morning sunshine,” Ben teases, smiling at Sean. 

Sean swears under his breath. “What’s got you so chirpy?” Sean asks after clearing his throat. 

“What’s got you so grumpy?” Ben shots back. 

“_Someone_ tired me out last night,” Sean replies as he stands in front of his coffee machine, pressing several buttons and watching his coffee being made. Ben hops off his stool, bending down to scratch the spot behind Bear’s ears as he places his plate and mug in the sink. 

Ben curls an arm around Sean’s waist. “Since it’s the weather is nice outside today, I was thinking we could go for a walk,” Ben says, his other hand resting at the back of Sean’s neck. 

“Where do you want to go?” Sean replies, leaning into Ben’s touch. 

“I was thinking that coastal walk near Bondi Beach. We can take Bear with us,” Ben suggests. 

Sean smiles as he takes a sip of his coffee. “I like that,” he says. “Let me have breakfast and then we can go.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Ben responds. He leans across to kiss Sean — 

“I am _not_ kissing you with morning breath,” Sean says, pulling a face. 

Ben opens his mouth to protest, but is shut down by Sean. 

“No kissing until we’ve both brushed our teeth.” 

“Boo,” Ben says childishly as he pouts. 

Sean sticks his tongue out at Ben. “You’ll live.” And then he directs his attention to his copy of the newspaper, going directly to the crossword section. 

“I’m dating an old man,” Ben mutters to himself as he heads back down the hall to brush his teeth. 

“I heard that,” Sean calls. 

“You were supposed to,” Ben calls back, a wide smile on his face. 

An hour later, Ben and Sean find themselves walking along a coastal path, so close to the beach that Ben can taste sea salt on his lips. 

Bear is walking in front of them, tail wagging as he pulls on his leash. Sean laughs at his eagerness and quickens his pace. 

“He’s got you wrapped around his paw,” Ben tells Sean, laughing. 

Sean rolls his eyes. “Don’t you start too. My mother says that every time I take Bear to visit her on her farm.” 

“It’s true,” Ben replies, shuffling closer to Sean. Fortunately for them, the walk is mostly deserted, the closest people to them are ten metres ahead. 

“It’s not my fault I love him,” Sean says, frowning. The sight makes Ben’s heart do somersaults in his chest. He can’t remember the last time somebody has made him feel the way Sean does. Not even Ollie had this effect on Ben so early on in their relationship. 

“I’m sure he loves you, especially with how much you spoil him,” Ben teases, nudging Sean in the side. 

Sean smacks Ben’s hand away. “I don’t spoil him.” 

“You bought him a new set of toys an hour after he ate and ripped apart his last set,” Ben states, raising his eyebrows at Sean. 

“I didn’t want him to be bored,” Sean protests. Upon the unimpressed look Ben gives Sean, he sighs, “okay, okay. I do spoil him,” he relents. 

Ben looks around and upon seeing that there was nobody close to them, he wraps his hand around Sean’s. Sean looks down at their intertwined hands and back up at Ben, heat colouring his cheeks. 

“I love you,” Ben tells Sean softly, smiling at his boyfriend. 

Sean smiles at Ben, eyes conveying all the joy and happiness and contentment Ben feels whenever he is with Sean. 

“I love you too,” Sean says, his smile widening. “I love you so much.” 

Ben closes the gap between them for a light kiss. The kiss is interrupted by a bark from Bear. Ben sees that the dog is looking at them with his tail wagging. 

“Even your best friend approves,” Ben says to Sean. 

Sean swats Ben’s shoulder. “Why did I choose to love such an asshole?” 

“An irresistible asshole that you can’t get enough of,” Ben corrects. 

“No, you’re an asshole who is a pain in the ass,” Sean replies. 

“Guess this pain in the ass won’t come to the game tomorrow,” Ben tells Sean, watching as the realisation dawns on Sean. 

“You told me you were going to watch the game from home!” Sean cries, swatting Ben on the shoulder. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Ben responds as he shrugs his shoulders, feigning nonchalance. 

“Who would’ve thought you were such a romantic?” Sean teases Ben, poking him in the stomach. 

“Yeah, yeah, shut up,” Ben grumbles as his cheeks heat up. 

“Should I be expecting a large bouquet of flowers on Valentine’s Day?” Sean continues teasing Ben. “Or are you going to decorate my bed with rose petals with scented candles.” 

“You’re going to get nothing on Valentine’s Day now,” Ben grumbles to Sean. 

Sean laughs, taking Ben’s hand in his. “It’s alright, you’re secret’s safe with me.” 

Before Ben can reply, Sean’s lips are on top of his.   
  


* * *

  
Ben’s fingers are shaking with nerves as he fiddles with his lanyard that gives him access to the Sixers’ change room. Ben’s stomach coils with anxiety at seeing Sean’s teammates, at seeing their reaction to them. Sean has told Ben that he has nothing to worry about, that his teammates won’t mind, but the doubts still don’t leave Ben, the offhanded comments from previous and current teammates regarding same—sex marriage and homosexuality ringing his ears. 

When Sean had seen how apprehensive Ben was about this, Sean had told Ben that he didn’t have to come, that he wouldn’t be upset if Ben didn’t come to see him after the match. 

But after seeing the match, after seeing Sean with a medal wrapped around his neck, Ben wants to see him. He doesn’t want to wait until Sean gets back from the stadium to congratulate him. 

Sean’s holding a beer and talking to his teammates when Ben is eventually let in, after convincing the security guard he was invited in despite playing for the Hurricanes. 

Sean’s face lights up when he sees Ben while Hughes’ face darkens. Henriques, standing beside Hughes, elbows him in the stomach. 

Ben puts on a brave face and smiles at Sean when Sean walks over to him. “Hey, stranger.” 

“Hey, champion,” Ben replies, holding Sean’s medal in his hands. Sean looks at his medal in Ben’s hands, then at Ben. 

“Congrats,” Ben says softly, smiling at Ben. “You deserved it.” 

“Thanks,” Sean says, as Ben lets go of the medal. Ben’s hands fall to his sides, not knowing what to do with them. 

Sean, on the other hand, knows exactly what to do as he grips Ben’s wrist gently and pulls Ben over to where he was previously standing with Hughes and Henriques. 

Hughes and Henriques immediately clamp their mouths shut and both look away as Sean and Ben arrive. 

“If you hadn’t guessed by now, Ben and are together,” Sean tells his teammates as he shuffles in closer to Ben, their hips flush against each other’s.

“When did this happen?” Hughes asks, his face blank, not giving anything away. 

“Back here when we played you guys,” Ben answers. 

Hughes’ eyebrows are raised. “You haven’t told us ‘til now?” He says to Sean. 

Sean shrugs, “we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little while.” 

“So you two sorted out everything?” Hughes asks, a crease forming between his eyes. 

Ben nods. Looking at Sean he says, “We did.” Sean smiles at him and in the corner of Ben’s eye, he sees Hughes gagging. 

“Happy to hear,” Henriques says, holding his beer up at Ben and Sean. 

“Congrats on the win, by the way,” Ben says to Hughes and Henriques. “Good game.” 

“Finally got there in the end,” Henriques replies. 

Ben engages in more conversation with Sean’s teammates, Hughes slowly starting to warm up to the idea of Ben being with Sean as he quits looking like he wants to throw up at the sight of Ben. 

Sean sidles up even closer to Ben and discretely interlaces their fingers together, hidden by Sean’s beer bottle. 

Henriques takes some photos of Ben and Sean, with Ben returning the favour of taking some photos of the three teammates, and then some of just Hughes and Henriques. 

When Sean and Ben are left to themselves, Sean whispers in Ben’s ear. “Hughesy and Mozzie are together, if you didn’t know.” 

“I figured. Saw Hughes holding Henriques’ hand. He’s not as discreet as he likes to think,” Ben replies, looking over to the opposite end of the change room where Hughes and Henriques are taking more photos with each other. 

“Don’t tell him that. He’ll screech like a seagull,” Sean snorts as he finishes his beer. 

“I just got on his good side, I don’t want to get off it anytime soon,” Ben responds. 

Sean laughs, before his face turns serious. He looks up at Ben with appreciation in his eyes. “Thank you for coming down here. I know it must’ve been hard for you to do so, so thank you. I appreciate it.” 

“I know you would’ve done the same thing for me,” Ben replies, shrugging his shoulders as he tries to downplay his actions. 

Sean shakes his head. “Don’t try and make this seem like it’s not important. I know this is a big step, after everything you’ve been through.” 

Ben sighs and nods his head. “You got me,” he begins and lets out of wobbly laugh. “But I have to stop hiding and living my life in fear.” 

“I’m proud of you,” Sean says, squeezing Ben’s hand. 

Ben shakes his head. “This night is supposed to be about you.” 

“You can make it up to me, then,” Sean says, a devilish smirk forming. 

“And how will I do that?” Ben asks, catching on. 

“Use your imagination,” Sean responds and winks, leaving inappropriate thoughts to travel to Ben’s mind. 

Ben and Sean _may_ have gone missing for twenty or so minutes and narrowly avoided being caught by Sean’s coach, with Ben hissing at Sean for being a bad influence. And if Ben and Sean went back home for round two, that’s nobody’s business but their’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s no way I couldn’t have given these two a happy ending! hoped you all enjoyed reading this, it was a pleasure to write it! :)


End file.
